Does your baby need to be rocked to sleep by you — or wake up in the middle of the night demanding a breast, bottle or cuddle before drifting back to sleep? If your little one is at least 4 months old, it may be time to start sleep training.

By that age, babies can — and should — be able to fall asleep or fall back to sleep on their own by self-soothing.

If you’re dreading sleep training (also called sleep teaching), know that it’s often accomplished faster than many parents imagine, and it doesn’t necessarily even have to involve lots of tears. Here’s how and when to start sleep training your baby to help everyone get a good night’s sleep.

What is sleep training?

Sleep training is teaching your baby to fall asleep without help from you. That means baby is put down for bed drowsy but awake, and she drifts off without being rocked, swayed, cuddled, nursed or shushed.

Sleep training also teaches baby how to fall back to sleep when she inevitably does wake up overnight (since night waking is a normal part of the sleep cycle, even for adults). 

What sleep training isn’t 

First, sleep training and night weaning do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. You can still feed your baby once or even twice during the night, depending on age and stage. Talk to your pediatrician about when it’s appropriate to fully drop your baby’s nighttime feeds.

That's one of many ways that sleep training is not as harsh as it sounds. It doesn’t necessarily involve shutting the nursery door and letting baby cry all night. In fact, you can adjust the amount of crying you let your baby do to your comfort level before you offer a soothing song or a comforting rub on the back. 

While some parents worry that some methods might harm a baby's health or create attachment-related issues down the line, research shows that sleep training doesn’t increase the risk of behavioral or emotional problems later in childhood.

Many experts say that sleep training is not only safe, it’s healthy and important for babies' development.

When to start sleep training

Experts recommend beginning sleep training when babies are 4 to 6 months old. This age range is the sweet spot, since babies are old enough to physically make it for six to eight hours overnight without needing to eat but aren’t quite at the point where the comforting you provide has become a sleep association. 

Sleep training methods

There’s no one way to sleep train, but many parents find that one or a mix of the following sleep training methods works for their families:

Cry it out (CIO)

The cry it out method of sleep training, also called the "extinction" method, involves putting your baby to bed and letting her cry until she falls asleep without any comfort or help from you.

That means as long as you’ve ensured you’ve put your baby to bed with a full tummy and in a safe sleep environment, you won’t go back into her room until it’s time for her to get up the next morning or until she needs to eat next. 

While it may seem harsh, CIO is harder on you than on your little one. With consistency (that’s the key!), your baby should begin falling asleep on her own within three to four nights, give or take.

Ferber method

Not a fan of letting baby cry without some degree of attention and comfort? Try the Ferber method, a type of "graduated extinction" or "check-and-console," which involves allowing your baby to cry for a set period of time before you check on her. 

These timed intervals of crying get longer by a few minutes with each interval until she falls asleep. 

Over several nights, you’ll gradually increase the length of these intervals, reducing your presence in baby's room to let your baby do more of the work of settling down. Pretty soon, there’s no need for these comfort check-ins because your baby has learned to self-soothe.

Chair method

The chair method may work better for older babies and might feel more comfortable to you (and your baby) than cry it out or Ferber. Sit in a chair next to your baby’s crib until she falls asleep, without picking her up. Move the chair farther away each night until you’re near the door and then out of the room.

At that point, your baby should be able to fall asleep without you there. This method won’t work for babies who can’t put you out of mind until you’re out of sight, however.

And while this technique may be the right fit for some families, know that it may lead to more tears for some babies. When your baby falls asleep with you in the room, she may be startled and possibly upset when she awakes and you’re no longer there.

Bedtime fading method

Does your little one wail for extended periods of time before falling asleep? Her body might not be ready for sleep at your desired bedtime. The bedtime fading method can modify her circadian rhythm to get bedtime to where you want it to be. Here’s how.

• Pay attention to baby’s sleep cues (eye rubbing, yawning, turning away from lights or sound, fussiness).
• Once your baby seems tired, put her to bed.
• Hopefully she’ll fall asleep fast, but if she cries a lot, take her out of the crib for a set amount of time (say, half an hour) and then try again.
• After a few nights of putting her down at that time, move bedtime 15 minutes earlier and repeat the process with this new bedtime.
• Gradually move bedtime earlier in 15-minute increments until you reach your desired bedtime.

Bedtime fading also sometimes describes any sleep training strategy that involves gradually decreasing a parent's presence in baby's room when putting her down to sleep.

Pick up, put down method

This sleep training technique involves you going through your baby's normal bedtime routine, then putting her down to bed drowsy but awake. When and if she cries, wait a few minutes to see if she settles down herself. If not, go in to pick her up and soothe her. When she's calm again, put her back down in the crib or bassinet.

Repeat the process until your baby falls asleep. Just be aware that this sleep training method can take a long time, and requires a good deal of patience.

Can you sleep train for naps?

You can apply the same nighttime sleep training strategy for naps. If you’re trying cry it out or Ferber, keep in mind that after 30 minutes of crying, a good portion of the nap may be gone. So you may want to set a limit on crying (say, 10 or 15 minutes) before trying another method of getting your baby to sleep.

How long does sleep training take?

After three to four nights of methods like Ferber or cry it out, many babies are sleep trained (save a few minutes of fussing or wails before drifting off).

Other training methods — in particular bedtime fading, the chair method and pick up, put down — will likely take longer, and some methods won’t work at all for some babies.

Be consistent with the sleep training method you’ve chosen for two full weeks to give it a chance to work.

Sleep training tips

No matter what method you’re trying, the following sleep training tips can help ensure a smoother transition to dreamland:

• Establish a bedtime routine. Follow a consistent 30- to 45-minute baby sleep routine to help transition your little one from awake time to sleepy time. And start it early enough that you’ll finish before she becomes overtired.If she’s been falling asleep at the breast or bottle, schedule that feed before the bath or books, so you’re able to put her to bed while she’s still awake.
• Time it right. It’s not the time to tinker with baby’s sleep when there’s been a recent disruption in her life (a move, new nanny, ear infection, travel). Wait until things have settled down before attempting sleep training.
• Know when baby’s tired. Watch for sleep cues like yawning, eye rubbing or crankiness, which may happen around the same time every night. It’s important to put your baby to bed when she’s sleepy but not overtired, since overtired babies have a harder time settling down for sleep and are more likely to sleep fitfully or wake early.
• Put baby down awake. Sleep training is based on teaching your baby to fall asleep on her own — a lesson she won’t get if you rock her to sleep in your arms before transferring her to the crib.
• Delay your response time. Don’t rush into baby’s room at the first whimper. Babies make lots of noises at night, including crying, and then fall back asleep on their own. Responding to every little noise or cry may wake a nodding-off baby or derail her efforts to self-soothe.
  
• Keep nighttime interactions brief. Calmly but quickly do any checks, feeds or diaper changes to avoid overstimulating your baby.

When to call the doctor

Never hesitate to check in with your baby’s doctor if you want guidance on when and how to begin sleep training. If you follow a sleep training method consistently and it’s still not working after two weeks, you may want to call your doctor for tips and advice.

And while it’s not usually a health concern if baby spits up or throws up once or twice while crying it out, it can be upsetting and jarring for everyone involved. Plus, if it happens more than once, it could be a sign that baby is sick or that this isn't the right approach for your family. Talk to your pediatrician to see what's going on.

Sleep training often involves tears for both you and your baby at first. But with time, consistency and a bit of luck, you’ll soon be sleeping peacefully, and your little one will have learned the valuable life skill of how to fall and stay asleep all on her own.