Bonding with Children. What is it and why is it important?

In one sentence bonding means building a child’s emotional engagement with parents and should continue throughout the life. For new parents, this bond is evident and strong. Every walking hour of the child is minutely observed and every non-verbal gesture, expression or body language is clearly understood by the parent. How this bond gets challenged as the child grows and starts getting independent. He is no longer dependent on the parent and therefore capable of doing many things separate from the parents. If the bond is not strong; this is when the disconnect between parent and children happen and often parents complaining of their child being distant or of being unable to get through to their child.

A strong bond will help the child develop holistically and also sets the tone for the child’s emotional well-being. Without this bond, there is a gap of understanding between the parents & child and results in a disconnect. A strong bond helps children to control their emotions, especially the negative ones in terms of challenges or stress or any situation where they feel that they alone. This bonding is going to help them and also acts as a strong foundation for your child and makes him his mental health strong.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. You need many people to raise one child and there is a huge impact of people around the child on his mental and emotional well-being as well. A strong bond (a) impacts the child in a positive way and helps the child to control all the negative emotions, (b)) the child knows that if something goes wrong there is somebody to talk to and support and (c) with a strong bond, the child will be able to shine out or understand the world in a better way.

Parents need to make avenues for their child to open up, speak up and share. Instead of going to his or her friends for moral support, your child should be able to come to you in the very first instance. Your child should be able to think, ‘let me check with my parents’ instead of ‘my parents are going to kill me!’.

Children need to be able to reach out to their parents. Children are smart, they’re intelligent, they’re curious, they’re observant and have lot of things that go through their mind too. They may not have a whole lot of vocabulary and may not be able to understand everything, but they should have a safe space to open up, reach out and ask without being reprimanded or scolded at.

Parents too need to understand and accept that when their child comes to them for guidance; they are not always coming for solutions or answers. They just need a person they can share the thoughts going through their mind. So even if you are busy, you need to let the child know that you are there for them. Instead of brushing them away, you can ask for sometime to finish what you are doing and then get back to them; but ensure that you do get back to them. You honour your promise; only then will the child trust you and form a bond with you.

Few things for you to remember while making the bond. You can start creating a strong bonding with your child right from the zero age while the child is in the womb. If your child is 5, 6, 10 or 12 years old; you are not late really. You can set a daily routine and start right away.

Every morning a touch has to be there, a hug, some positive strokes or maybe some fun at the bed and the day should end similarly.

A little bit of positive strokes and listening to music where you can just move or relax or meditate before going to sleep

Touch matters a lot and sometimes even words are not enough. For those who have older children, remember that a hug or a pat matters to them just as much as it does to a 3 year old.

Have one meal together. Meal time is something that you really want. It is a time when you can talk about everything and anything on the dining table. Make this even more interesting by planning a meal or cooking together.

Start playing indoor games with your child for an hour every day and is a wonderful way of bonding with the child.

Involve your child in daily chores. Make it a joint activity. Doing the laundry, folding the clothes etc. Often we instruct our children and then when it does not get done, we get angry and brush off the child saying, ‘I don’t need your help, I will do it myself’. Instead try saying, ‘lets do it together’ and you will make it a bonding exercise with loads of talking, sharing and laughing.

Children love to feel equal, love to feel like an equal and dependable part of the family. It also helps them feel good about themselves and builds on their self-confidence.

This pandemic and the lockdown has given each one of us an equal opportunity to spend time with our children. To keep them occupied, happy and engaged. Everyday has been a bonding exercise and those who have utilized the time doing activities with their children have formed a bond for life.

Bonding keeps the parent child connected and strengths their relationship that lasts a life time.